For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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