so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
