theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
