Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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