I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
