I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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