Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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