Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
