Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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