I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
