Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
