So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
