How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've blown a few things in my day
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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