I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
