New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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