I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
