I got chris browned last night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
