god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
