just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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