I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
