I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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