bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
