when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
