I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
