Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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