She is in my trunk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
