I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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