Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize