11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
