oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
