i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
