he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
