Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
