you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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