somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I could fuck to npr.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
