so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
