anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
