Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
