it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
