I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you blow on my dice?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I would fuck him just for his dog
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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