SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
