this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
