How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
