No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
