i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
