He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the day after is always just damage control
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
