I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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