my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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