My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
