i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
