he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
