my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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