Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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