Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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