He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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