capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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