...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
