I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
