She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
