Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We are two peas in an std pod
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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