She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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