Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
