you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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