Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
