ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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