I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
