i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
