every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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