Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
