I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
