Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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