dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
