Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
