Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
