I feel like abortions should bother me more
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's like heaven, but drunker
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
