Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
